King's Corners
by Xtreme17nc13
Summary: Challenge reponse issued by Phorcys on TSS Bit of random humor. Contains a bit of drugs and alcohol, but it's nothing to graphic. Impiled HPDM, RLSS


** b Title: /b ** King's Corner  
** b Author: /b ** Xtreme17nc13  
** b Disclaimer: /b ** The characters are not mine. Hell, the plot isn't even mine!  
** b Beta: /b ** AuroraEnkeliMedeis She Rock! \\m/

** b King's Corners b **

Harry and Draco sat around a table in the Room of Requirment playing King's Corners. Harry had taught Draco the muggle card game when they had first become friends. The blonde couldn't believe there was a way to play Solitaire with two people.

"Draco?"

"Yeah?" Draco placed the Ace of Clubs on the appropriate pile and took said pile off of the table.

"Where's Bob?" Harry asked while frantically looking around him.

"He's not here," the Slytherin replied while staring at the mindless Gryffindor across from him, "It's i _your /i _ turn, you know."

Harry drew a card from the pile and kept it in his hand, "What do you mean 'Bob's not here'? Where the bloody hell is he?" he put a card onto some random pile.

"Well, we were talking,"

"You and i _Bob /i _ were talking?" Harry questioned with shock on his face.

"Yes," Draco replied shortly.

"Whatever. Go on,"

"Bob and I were talking the other night and he decided that he no longer wanted to be part of your suicidal habits. So, he left." Draco picked a card from the pile and immediately put it down with two of the cards from his hand.

"Draco, I don't know if your small brain can process this. Bob is a i plant /i . He is mairjuana. Cannabis. Reefer. Pot. Weed. Dro. Flame. Need I go on or do you get the fact that PLANTS DO NOT TALK!" Harry screamed. He really needed a joint.

"No, he told me. We were having a drink and..." Draco said completely serious.

"What were you drinking?"

"Moonshine, Jagermeister, Vodka, Rum, and Hennessy."

"Did you drink all of it?"

"Well, I drank all of the Moonshine, Jager, and Hennessy. Bob had the Rum and Vodka, I swear!"

"Draco. You are an idiot." Harry looked at his watched and nearly jumped out of his seat.

"What's wrong!"

"We're going to be late for class!" Harry replied with wide eyes.

"It's not like Dumbledore would take points from you. Oh! But today were making something that has rabbit in it! I love rabbits! The bunnies hop around in the cutest way." Draco started hopping around the room as if to prove his point.

"Yep, you are an idiot. Draco, we're going to be i _cooking /i _ the cute little bunnies. You know, as in they're dead." Harry crushed Draco's heart with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face.

"NO! WE MUST SAVE THE BUNNIES!" with that, Draco ran from the room.

---------------

"Hold your rabbit and slowly..."

The door burst open and Draco was standing there with a very red face, "NO! YOU CAN'T KILL THEM!" he whipped his wand out and shouted some kind of charm that set every rabbit in the room free. All forty-seven of them, "RUN BUNNIES! RUN!"

Harry arrived at the room and saw rabbits running from the room and scattering out in different directions. He grabbed Draco by the arm and looked at the class, "Sorry about that, sir." the Gryffindor looked and the blond in his arms. Draco had a satisfied smile plastered on his face, "Draco," he said slowly, "come on. It's time for your medication." Harry started to lead him away.

"Mister Potter?"

"Yes, Headmaster?"

"I was not aware that young Mister Malfoy was on medication. Did Poppy forget to tell me?"

"Oh, no. It's just, he isn't right when he hasn't had his shot of...well any form of alcohol."

"Oh, I see. Well, do not make him wait any longer."

"Right." Harry damn near pulled Draco to the dungeons.

---------

"Potter!" a high-pitched voice screeched.

"Yes, Pansy?" Harry replied with mock politeness.

"What are all these small, furry animals?" Pansy asked looking very confused.

"Draco's new hobby." he left the girl after he gave his answer.

"Harry, where are we going?"

"We're going to your room, getting my Invisibility Cloak, then we are going to the pharmacists and stealing some Ritalin."

"Oh. Okay." Draco answered brightly.

---------

"Harry! What are you doing here?"

"What? Oh, hey Hermione. I'm getting Draco on some Ritalin. He really needs a chill-pill." Harry discretely pulled out his wand and had three bottles of Ritalin float over to him, "What are you doing here?"

"Er..."

"Are those dolly beds?" Draco asked out of nowhere while looking around Hermione's back.

"Er..."

"Hermione, whatever is that behind you back?" Harry asked with an evil smile.

"Er..."

"Oh! I know what those are!" Draco yelled, "You're buying feminine napkins. My mum told me that plug-type things work better. Here, I'll get them for you." Draco trotted down a random aisle and grabbed a pink box, "Here, these should work. Harry, let's go back to the castle. It's boring here." Harry apparted them back to Hogmeade and made the walk up to the castle while dragging Draco behind him.

"Well, where do you want to go?" Harry asked Draco when they got inside the castle.

"Bunnies! They're all free!...Oh, uhm, let's go see Severus. I need to ask him a question."

"Fine." The two started back down to the dungeons.

----------

"Yes, REMUS! HARDER!"

"As you wish, Severus."

The two men in the room never heard the door open.

"Oh. My. i GOD! /i They...they have i furry /i handcuffs!" Harry all but yelled, "Draco! Why don't i _we /i _ have furry handcuffs!"

"You never asked for them?"

"And...and they're on a leather couch! You know how much I love leather! We are going shopping tomorrow!"

"Okay," Draco shut the door to his godfather's rooms, "I got something I know you love on me though."

"What's that?"

Draco pulled a small tube out of his pocket.

"Is that...?" Harry asked with lust in eyes and a smile on his face.

"Yes. Kiwi lipgloss." Draco slapped some of the sticky stuff on his lips and puckered up.

Harry moved in for the kill and attcked Draco's lips in the hungriest kiss ever.

"Mister Malfoy?"

Draco jumped back from the kiss and looked for who called his name, "Yes, Headmaster?"

"Your sponge cake is ready." Dumbledore held up a round sponge cake with his red oven mitts. The cake was something Draco had asked the Headmaster to make for him. It was all frosted and had bright birthday candles all over it.

"Yay!" Draco grabbed the cake and turned ti Harry, "Come on! Let's eat!"

Harry and Draco started eating the cake when suddenly, Harry stopped, "You put Bob in i here /i !"

"Yup." Draco smiled.

"You killed Bob so you could make a i _cake_! /i "

"Yup. He tastes pretty good when you aren't smoking him."

"But...I wasn't ready to give him up!"

"Well, as it was once said in Romeo and Juilet, i 'Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.' i? See, Shakespeare agrees that it was time to say goodbye to dear Bob."

"Gah! I don't feel like I'm a stable person at all!"

"Harry. Shut up. You have got to get rid of this addiction!"

"Oh, now you're all normal. As the Great Mark Hoppus once said, 'Screw the people that don't understand!' "

"Yet again, shut up. Let's go to the common room. Slytherin's common room." Draco grabbed Harry by the wrist and led him to the Slytherin common room. He walked in and screamed,

"The keg! It's empty! NOOOO!"

"You need to get a handle on i _your /i _ addiction, Draco." Harry said while smiling.

"NO!"

"To quote Shakespeare..."

"NOOO!"

b END /b 

-----------

b A/N: /b Well, wasn't that a fun ride? I know I had fun while writing it. Hope ya'll enjoyed it, if you didn't well..nothing I can do about that! Review? No? Oh well...

Another Mark Hoppus quote. :bows down to the great one:


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